A couple of months ago I was feeling so strong. Really strong. I was juicing, RAW, happy...
And then a string of events not within my control created chaos in my body.
-A few days after my birthday a car accident caused repercussions through my body that caused joint pain and huge fatigue for months.
-Huge life changes for two of my daughters, and while those changes directly caused chaos in their lives, indirectly they affected me because, ya know, mom's worry. Worry. And my guts flared on top of all that joint pain and fatigue...
I don't know about you... but when I feel like crap... I reach for comfort food. And lets face it... comfort food is BAD! I not only fell off the raw wagon, I nosed dived straight into a pizza binge that lasted weeks. That's right... wheat.... dairy... mortal enemies to all that ailed me... and worse, led to a state of depression that really made me not care.
I'm not sure how or what or why I woke up one day and realized I was killing myself with food... not just making my symptoms worse... but killing myself. KILLING MY DREAMS.
Motorcycle lessons and ownership put on hold... indefinitely.
Belly dance... out of the question.
Hiking, rock climbing... not gonna happen.
The much dreamed about vacation to New Orleans...cancelled.
My summer had gone from bright, beautiful, and exciting... to dead. I was stuck on the couch and moving nowhere...again.
AGAIN!
Damn me, I am my own worse enemy.
BUT I AM ALSO MY OWN SAVIOR... because I WOKE UP.
I started listening to my body and looking for signs... and the expectation led to signs... guideposts.
And I started over again...
AGAIN!
Juice, tonics, sunbathing, and meditation.
The real turn around came about because I faced that I am an addict. I have an addictive personality. I am addicted to food... and I needed answers.Luckily I saw a random post about sun gazing ... on of all places... Facebook... but it triggered a memory.
I'd studied sun gazing in college twenty years earlier and dallied... a little... it was a good reason to skip class and head for the beach for a "clear view" if I remember my mindset at that time...
Sun gazing can stop addiction. Sun gazing can interrupt and cure bouts of depression. Sun gazing can HEAL.
And sun gazing controls appetite. How had I forgotten this important piece of the puzzle?
So, a few weeks ago I started sun gazing again...
(safe guidelines that must be adhered to in order to not damage your eyes)
I didn't expect much that first week... wow, was I wrong.
Every morning I woke up EARLY and ready to go.
I started meditating again...
I juiced for the first time in almost two months...
By day four I was dragging out my yoga mat...
And by day ten ... I feel amazing.
I'm raw again ... and I want to be ... I don't feel like I'm sacrificing anything.
I crave orange juice especially... and salad... I can't get enough salad... and bananas...
After believing I never wanted to see another banana again ... I'm loving them now.
Maybe it's a placebo effect ... I don't care.
I just want it to last.
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