Sun Gazing Update

Sun Gazing Milestone to date 8 Minutes
There have been four solid days of heavy clouds and rain that have made sungazing nearly impossible, but I find myself drawn to the windows at even the tiniest glimmer of a ray peaking through. I don't know how this is happening but I trust my instincts and when something inside my brain compels me to look, I look. At first I thought it was a coincidence but I believe that less an less as each time my urge proves right.

Tonight there was a heavily shaded over orb peaking in and out of the clouds. I looked as long as I could look and stopped the timer each time the orb fully disappeared. I believe I made almost nine minutes... but I was left wanting/ This small reminder of what every winter in this part of the world holds in store makes me dread the crummy weather even more.

I really want to get past the fifteen minute mark before that happens.
I want to note a lessening of negative thought.
I want to notice a lessening of urge to keep returning to the old unhealthy eating patterns...
I hope all HRM promises is true but only time and sungazing time will prove the truth.

On the days I gaze, I do feel physically and mentally stronger, there is no doubting that.

• My day goes better and I am able to deflect negativity more easily. I smile more. 
• It is easier to stay 100% raw and less than 10% fat...
• The night following a good day's sun gazing I can fall asleep easier and sleep more deeply.

I thought this was a lovely video. It is subtitled in English.

Cravings, Unexpected Flares ... Seeking Answers

A couple of months ago I was feeling so strong. Really strong. I was juicing, RAW, happy...
And then a string of events not within my control created chaos in my body.
-A few days after my birthday a car accident caused repercussions through my body that caused joint pain and huge fatigue for months.
-Huge life changes for two of my daughters, and while those changes directly caused chaos in their lives, indirectly they affected me because, ya know, mom's worry. Worry. And my guts flared on top of all that joint pain and fatigue...

I don't know about you... but when I feel like crap... I reach for comfort food. And lets face it... comfort food is BAD! I not only fell off the raw wagon, I nosed dived straight into a pizza binge that lasted weeks. That's right... wheat.... dairy... mortal enemies to all that ailed me... and worse, led to a state of depression that really made me not care.

I'm not sure how or what or why I woke up one day and realized I was killing myself with food... not just making my symptoms worse... but killing myself. KILLING MY DREAMS.
Motorcycle lessons and ownership put on hold... indefinitely.
Belly dance... out of the question.
Hiking, rock climbing... not gonna happen.
The much dreamed about vacation to New Orleans...cancelled.
My summer had gone from bright, beautiful, and exciting... to dead. I was stuck on the couch and moving nowhere...again.
AGAIN!

Damn me, I am my own worse enemy.
BUT I AM ALSO MY OWN SAVIOR... because I WOKE UP.
I started listening to my body and looking for signs... and the expectation led to signs... guideposts.

And I started over again...
AGAIN!
Juice, tonics, sunbathing, and meditation.

The real turn around came about because I faced that I am an addict. I have an addictive personality. I am addicted to food... and I needed answers.Luckily I saw a random post about sun gazing ... on of all places... Facebook... but it triggered a memory.

I'd studied sun gazing in college twenty years earlier and dallied... a little... it was a good reason to skip class and head for the beach for a "clear view" if I remember my mindset at that time...

Sun gazing can stop addiction. Sun gazing can interrupt and cure bouts of depression. Sun gazing can HEAL.
And sun gazing controls appetite. How had I forgotten this important piece of the puzzle?

So, a few weeks ago I started sun gazing again...
(safe guidelines that must be adhered to in order to not damage your eyes)
I didn't expect much that first week... wow, was I wrong.
Every morning I woke up EARLY and ready to go.
I started meditating again...
I juiced for the first time in almost two months...
By day four I was dragging out my yoga mat...
And by day ten ... I feel amazing.

I'm raw again ... and I want to be ... I don't feel like I'm sacrificing anything.
I crave orange juice especially... and salad... I can't get enough salad... and bananas...
After believing I never wanted to see another banana again ... I'm loving them now.

Maybe it's a placebo effect ... I don't care.
I just want it to last.