The Hardest Part of Being RAW

Changing an eating habit shouldn't be so hard .. that's logic. The problem with my logic is this: eating is about food and food is about emotion. Memories are tied to food. Social relationships are tied to food.

I have eaten cooked food for most of forty-seven years. That's a lot of memories .. love, laughter. Try being the raw foodie in the room during any social interaction .. it's not easy. Even the people who love me and try to be supportive don't really understand why I am trying so hard to make this transition.

I've heard "eat what makes you feel good but don't get all fanatical."
I've heard "what's wrong with cooking the vegetables?"
And I won't even get into ever single person's opinion of what I should cut or don't cut: Like - "go vegan, but don't stop cooking your vegetables." Or "go vegan but keep in eggs and dairy for the protein and calcium" (that's ovo-lacto vegetarian btw.) Or "avoid grains no matter what, but eggs or an occasional cooked veggie is ok."

Who makes up these food rules for what will make me "normal enough" but not a "nut-job"?

My question is .. what behaviors do I have that would ever lead anyone to believe I'd be zealot about anything? My other question is .. what's wrong with eating my vegetables raw if I want to?

The easiest part about being raw is holding onto the conviction that raw food will heal me in the face of doubt and constant questions. The hardest part of being raw is just doing it. Stop cooking. Stop eating prepared for me food that is cooked... The extra-hardest part is constantly defending why I am raw.

Just say no...
Sounds like I'm trying to give up illegal drugs, but trust me that was easier than this. February 15 is my clean and sober birthday. It has been for twenty-six years. Maybe I need to just write it down on a piece of paper and put it in my pocket (my raw-foodie rebirth-day) .. maybe I need a food-addiction sponsor to phone before I eat to talk me down from the edge ..

You think I'm joking. I'm not.
I've never kicked anything as hard as cooked food. This is ridiculous. Since September 1st, I've "cheated" three times, always managing to stay 80% raw - until today. Today I binged. If three pieces of pepperoni pizza can be classified as a binge ... and it isn't even that I feel guilty about it, I don't .. what I feel is physically ill. I am on the couch. Again. Under a blanket. Again. Not quite in a fetal position from the pain .. yet .. but I don't doubt my body is a ticking time bomb. The signs are all there: pounding head, aching joints, cramping guts.

So here are a few answers to the questions people keep asking me, mostly to remind myself so that I don't become a stuttering moron in the face of adversity ..

Why RAW, why not vegan or vegetarian or carnivore that just takes out the MSG?

MSG is only part of my problem (a very recent part of my problem brought on by my medication Simponi beginning 2 months ago.) You have to remember, I have been trying to "go raw" off and on for over three years. When I eat cooked food I experience intense gut problems. It starts in my stomach and works its way all the way through all the twists and turns of unhappy colon. This results in PAIN. Not pain, but the kind that makes you rock back and forth, gritting your teeth and swearing you are never, ever going to eat again. Period. TUMS and pain pills help me sleep, caffeine and Gas-X and more pain pills to get through the next morning, putting off eating until I am ready to pass out from glucose drop.. I don't know what's wrong with my insides and I'm not willing to go through a million tests, or even two or three very invasive ones to find out. Does it matter if it is IBS? Or Crohn's? Or Celiac's? What I do know is that if I eat uncooked, unprocessed food in its purest form I do not hurt. I don't need a single pill. That seems like a pretty acceptable reason to go raw to me ..

Aren't you worried you aren't going to get enough nutrition?

I almost laugh out-loud at this one. Maybe I should start .. because the person doing the asking believes their standard american diet chock full o'fast food is more nutritious than what I'm eating .. I don't, I'm nice.
I assume they are asking about protein, so I spout off sources: nuts, seeds, legumes, dark leafy greens. Or dairy .. I'm not sure why people have such a hang up about milk and cheese. My Vitamin D is monitored by my doctor who reports my Vitamin D is very good .. and I know my calcium intake is low so I've taken a supplement for almost 30 years.

I did have a fairly health-conscious whole-foods friend approach me because she was worried about my trying to drop the fat below 10%. She asked, how are you going to get your Omegas?
If you don't know .. Omega 3, 6, and 9 are what's considered our EFA (essential fatty acids) and almost 90% of Americans on a standard diet are deficient. Raw foodists rarely ever have that problem because EFA's are found in the foods raw foodies consume on a regular basis because we consume the raw versions of these foods (the cooked versions have reduced nutrients). Omega 3's can be found in flax seeds and flax seed oil, hemp seeds and hemp seed oil, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds and sesame oil, spinach, kale, collards. Omega 6's can be found in the previous list plus pine nuts, pistachio's, sunflower seeds, olives and olive oil. Omega 9's can be found in olives and olive oil, avocados, almonds, peanuts, macadamia's and pecans. **This is a partial list of the ones I consume .. there are others I rarely or never consume which I don't have listed, like salmon and eel (sometimes but only as sashimi) and anchovies (not in this lifetime thank you) ***this is a great page if you want a quick look but there are entire thesis and books on the subject if you want more detailed information on EFA's.

Since I am still in the "trying to get my shit together" phase of raw, I am obviously not healing yet. But I am soooo close. I can feel it. If it were a perfect world I'd live in an area that was surrounded by people who think alternative eating lifestyles are normal (California) but I am not .. thankfully, every day I find new raw foodies online and in real life who I am working hard to build networks and relationships with because I know I need a strong support system to pull this off.

It's so sad to me that if I gave up tomorrow and said "Fine, I quit. Find me a doctor to do all the tests, schedule whatever tests or surgery I need, hand me a stack of Rx's an inch thick." - no one would blink an eye. No one would try to interfere or discourage my decision. People would line up to commiserate with me.

Instead, I'm saying "Fuck normal. It doesn't work. I have a right to be pain free and healthy. If raw does that for me, who are you or anyone else to stand in my way and prevent it from happening?"

I will step off my soapbox now and I'm sorry if I sounded a little fanatical there for a second. Tomorrow the regularly scheduled, hopefully entertaining, non-ranting blog will continue.