Memory

Today I feel a little beat up but it's a Monday following a Faire weekend, so I expect to be achy...
I didn't expect my digestive tract to flair:( I mean, hey, I'm on Simponi, good for RA and Crohn's, I'm eating 99% RAW food...aching guts should not be a part of the equation!!!

But then I remember Saturday's weakness...I wasn't raw Saturday night...after an amazing day at faire, sticking to my carrot sticks, zucchini hummus, watermelon, kale salad, bananas and apples routine...I came home tired, hungry, grumpy...and in no mood to face anything but real food. Hubby obliged with spaghetti tossed with sun-dried tomatoes, garlic, onions, and serrano chilis...I'd have probably been fine if I'd stopped at that...I didn't. Add a half a chicken breast (free-range, all organic, no hormones...but still...)

My guts hate me...
Sigh.

I'd forgotten that I have digestive tract issues...that's how good I've felt lately. Which is a good thing. Sometimes I just need my body to remind me why I started this journey in the first place. Not MSG. Not RA. But the terror of dealing with everything that can go hand and hand with living with Crohn's. It honestly isn't a far stretch for my mind because I have multiple cousins (and a deceased bother) who have experienced multiple surgeries and colostomy bags... If I can avoid the worst case scenario...yeah, I want that option.

As a result of my big food binge Saturday...I have no interest in food...herb teas are good, ditto juice. I'm toying with the idea of a Juice Fast, but I have to get through the emotional hurdle of tomorrow...

September 27th is a double whammy day for me. It's my father's birthday (he passed away eleven years ago) and it's also the day my first husband had a life-altering car accident which left him brain damaged and a quadriplegic (he is now also deceased, following complications many years after the accident). I'd forgotten the date was even near until I woke up fueled by anger and adrenaline, spent hours tearing through the house in a cleaning fury, and left myself too depleted to get back upstairs... that's when I looked at the calendar, saw today's date, realized the implications of tomorrow's date and suddenly understood why rage had surfaced as the emotion of the moment. How does my mind/body remember a tragedy that happened twenty-five years ago? I haven't reacted so blindly and strongly since the ten year anniversary. This is just plain weird to me.

Anyway, Wednesday seems the appropriate day for beginning a Juice Fast if I am indeed heading down that path...not wholly committed yet... just getting through today's flair and hoping tomorrow starts better than today...